Mother pays her 17-year-old daughter $60 a week to rent her room for a home office, sparking conflict with her 15-year-old son, who is getting nothing: ‘[Their grandmother] told me I was favoring my daughter and should be paying them equally’

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Brad Dickson • Managing Editor
May 19, 2025 6:00 PM EDT

It's important to understand that "fair" is not always going to mean "equal." And this is one of the most difficult things to get right about parenting, especially when it comes to the opportunities offered to each of your children. You need to recognize the individual needs of each child, which includes helping them where they fall short and fostering in the areas they're interested.

For instance, with this mother, who, after moving to a new city with her son and daughter to be closer to her aging parent, offered each of her children a chance to "rent" their room to her to work from for her hybrid working arrangement a couple of times a week. While her son quite aggressively declined, her daughter happily took her up on the offer, meaning that the $60 hybrid working allowance that the mother was receiving went straight to her daughter's pocket. Her son, now frustrated that he wasn't receiving a similar payment, complained about how unfair the situation was, sparking a feud in the family, with the mother's mother (her kid's grandmother) siding with the teenage boy.

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  • She can't exactly pay her son for nothing after he turned down the chance of "renting out" his room to his mother as an office space, the daughter is being paid for the sacrifice of her privacy, and, well, the son isn't. And it would now be unfair to the daughter if he received the money at no cost.

    Moving to a new city as a teenager and leaving all your friends behind isn't an easy thing to do, so the teen deserves some patience and understanding. Maybe a little pocket money would do him some good and help him to feel like he can go out and do things on his own in the place where they now live. Given the structure of the family in its current state, it would be fair to give him some chance at income. Being given a "job" by his mother, as some have suggested, might just give him the motivation and distraction her needs to make things better overall for everyone.

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    via Lesli Whitecotton

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    "AITA for giving my daughter $60 a week, but my son nothing?"

    I (45F) have two kids, 17F and 15M. We moved earlier this year to be closer to my parents as my parents health is declining. My daughter was excited about the move, but my son has struggled to adjust. Due to the move, my job shifted to hybrid, and I needed a work-from- home setup. My bedroom is too small, and the only options were the lounge or one of the kids' rooms during school hours. I proposed this to them - my son flat-out refused ("no way in h I"), but my daughter offered her room and hal
    via Murky_Willingness763
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    I thought it was fair, as I get a $20/day work-from-home allowance. I agreed to give it to her if she was okay with me setting up a small office in her room. I work from 8:30 to 5:00, and she usually starts homework right after I finish, so it's worked out well.
    via Murky_Willingness763
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    Now the issue: my son is p ed that his sister is getting $60. I don't do regular allowances, just canteen money (about $10/week) and other needs as they come up. I told him he had the same opportunity and was now sh out of luck. He got angry and brought up the move, saying he never gets to see his friends. (For the record, I drive them back to visit every two weeks for visits) I told him I understood his feelings but said I wouldn't tolerate being spoken to like sh. He then started an argument w
    via Murky_Willingness763
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    To cool off, I offered one of them the option to stay at their grandparents for the night - not as a punishment but to break the tension. My son opted to go & while dropping him off, my mom told. me I was favoring my daughter and should be paying them equally. My dad disagreed, saying my son had the chance and was sh out of luck. AITA?
    via Murky_Willingness763
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    ETA: The conversation took place over the course of the afternoon, and I didn't immediately agree to the deal with my daughter. I offered it to my son. first, who reiterated "h I no" and "get the f out of my room". I also should mention the reason I have the smallest room is due to the lack of insulation in the ceiling and flooring making it damp, and as we're heading into winter I wasn't sending either kid in there. The room also fits a single bed, and a set of drawers - with essentially no oth
    via Murky_Willingness763
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    OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the a h le: I need unbiased opinions I don't want to play favorites or alienate my son, but I also feel like I've been fair - he was offered the same deal before his sister was and said "h I no". I feel like as I'm using her space, it's more than fair to compensate her for it with the allowance I'm paid from work - but because my parents had differing opinions I'm starting to second guess. myself.
    via Murky_Willingness763
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    Smarterthanuthink867 5h ago • INFO: why not just switch rooms with your daughter so your office is in your own bedroom?
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    • Murky_Willingness763 OP · 6h ago The size of my room is significantly smaller than both of my kids rooms, it fits a dresser and a single bed and leaves no room for much more - I originally figured that I'd be happier just taking the smaller room, as I had the rest of the house to put my stuff in. It's also only room with no underfloor and ceiling insulation in (we live in New Zealand, insulation is few and far between on old homes) - and I didn't want either of them in a cold & damp room going
    via Murky_Willingness763

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    mavenmim I can understand your logic, but I also don't totally agree with giving one child such a huge amount of money and the other nothing, and I think you are missing the bigger picture for your son, where he feels like his needs are not being considered as important within the family.
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    If you are renting (or own) the whole house, then renting back space from a child is renting something you already paid for. As the adult, it wouldn't be unreasonable to expect the larger room, especially if you need to work from home. If your daughter has a larger room than you, you are already giving her benefits that most parents probably wouldn't. So I don't think you
    via Murky_Willingness763
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    need to pass on the whole working from home allowance to use the limited space that is available. However, I get your point that it would be nice to reward her kindness in giving up some of her privacy by letting you use her space.
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    I think the problem is that you are giving quite a lot of money to your daughter (I bet hardly any 17 year olds in a similar financial position get given a $250/month allowance). I suspect that $10/week would have been more than enough for her to feel grateful. You could have come up with something that benefited your whole family - covering travel back to see your son's friends, for example, if he is old enough to do the journey on public transport, or having a special meal each month.
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    If you wanted to reward your daughter's increasing independence with an allowance that would be fine too - with the expectation that your son would get the same at the same age. I guess the only part that made me err towards YTA is that you have been so dismissive of your son's needs, and that phrase "sh out of luck" feels so rejecting, and
    via Murky_Willingness763
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    to encapsulate how he must feel to be uprooted from his peer group and watching his sister being financially indulged whilst he is just getting criticism. You say you won't tolerate being spoken to like sh, having just spoken to him that way. It seems like do as I say, not as I do.
    via Murky_Willingness763
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    To read a post with such polarised opinions about your daughter as the wonderful child and your son as the troublesome one makes me wonder whether you are projecting a negative opinion. about men/boys (or his father), or have struggled with other elements of your relationship with your son, or whether you actually feel a bit guilty about moving him and have persuaded yourself it is the right thing so strongly that to really acknowledge his feelings would be difficult?
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    bahahahahahhhaha NTA There is a real cost to your daughter to be sharing her room. She is giving up some of her privacy, likely has to keep things tidier etc, and generally doesn't get a space that fully feels like hers. She's decided that's worth it to her for 60$/week. It would be extremely unfair if the son got that same money for literally doing nothing.
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    The only way I'd potentially give him. some of the money is if the "office" moved between the two rooms and on alternate weeks or months (depending on how hard it is to move the office set up) he gave up his room.
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    thatcoolguy60 · 5h ago INFO: Did your son know about the rent thing when you asked for the space?
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    Atlas_Hid 4h ago Offer your son a "job," like weekly a couple of things to do. It could be things like taking out the garbage or yard work or even vacuuming. That way he has an opportunity to receive money too.
    via Murky_Willingness763
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    Crafter 2307 YTA. You said he was having trouble - adjusting that's the only safe space he currently has. Anyone, especially a teenage boy is going to have a knee j reaction to a suggestion that his space may be invaded. You've uprooted his life - and by the sounds of it he doesn't have the income to be able to go socialise with anyone else outside of school even if he's invited. You must've known the limitations in advance and this should have been discussed before moving.
    via Murky_Willingness763
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    alyxmorganvo NTA I'm with your dad. Your daughter took the option to co-share her room, & came up with a win-win situation. If your son had been less angry with you over the move, he might've come up with a similar solution. It's too bad that your son is having such a hard time with the move, but you're right that he has no call to treat you like crp or talk to you like cr p. Hopefully things will calm down eventually & that your son will start making new friends.
    via Murky_Willingness763

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